cries of a pathological liar.

I’ll admit right now, I don’t fucking have many friend and at first it wasn’t by choice but over the years I shut people out and kept a close knit group. There is one friend I have had since middle school who has seen me through the worst, best & just plain ugly times of my life. But recently he has been acting funny. Last Friday, I was down… really down and I decided to send him a FB message telling him what was wrong because I have always known he rather I do that than go off cutting myself like I usually do. And usually he gives me some words of encouragement to keep going just a little longer. I was looking for those words, I was looking for someone to listen. But you know what happened? He ignored me. And he has been ignoring me… That fucking hurts bro. It really fucking does. 

ashmo:

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be just like you. You seemed like you could solve all issues and that the world would not revolve without you. I thought you were the only man I ever needed. I was convinced that the man I wanted to marry would be just like you. But now that I am 18 years old and I have endured years of abuse and pain with you being the source, I have realized you are the person I hate most in the world and I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to marry someone like you. 

I am not exactly sure when exactly you turned sour in my eyes but before that I was convinced every time you hit me, it was because I was a bad person. But I realized that there were many nights when you would hit me that I never did anything to make you made. I never did anything wrong. You did it because you could… because no one else in the world would still love you after all the pain you put them through. 

Dad, I hope you know you have severed all ties and all possibility that we will ever be a happy Dad & Daughter pair. I hope you know that you mean nothing to me anymore. If you are the man of god you swear you are, how the hell can you put your hands on me and call me degrading names when it is your blood that is running through my veins? How is it that you can do all of that then stand in front of a room full of people every damn Sunday and preach the word of god. 

You wonder why I don’t believe in religion. You are the reason I don’t believe. Notice that my faith went away once you became a representative of God! You are the reason why I struggle to go back to church consecutively. You are the reason why every time I try to get up on Sunday mornings to try & believe again…you are the damn reason I lay back down in my bed and say NEVERMIND because I don’t feel like it’s worth it. If you are the product of faith & religion… I want nothing to do with it.

Next fall, I am heading to The University of Central Florida and my only problem is leaving behind my mother and my sister with you. You, sir, are a monster. I hate you. I don’t want to leave two of the people I love the most with the man who ruined an entire household. One day, I am going to get them out and away from you. I will leave you with the house you love to proclaim is yours and no one to live in it. 

One day… I’ll show you who’s the piece of shit. 

Sincerely,

The Product of Your Sperm.
(Formerly known as your daughter.) 

imma-smile-back:

I will write about the following, anonymous or not leave one in my ask box

Dear person I hate,

Dear person I like,

Dear ex bestfriend,

Dear bestfriend,

Dear *anyone*,

Dear Santa,

Dear mom,

Dear dad,

Dear future me,

Dear past me,

Dear person I’m jealous of,

Dear person I had a crush on

(Source: coco-rouge, via itsnotkatie)

go knights! :)

Lately people have felt the need to pretend to be my friend. I wish someone would tell them & the rest of the world that I don’t care if they are my friend or not. Honestly, I rather someone tell me that they hate me every single day instead of smiling in my face & pretending they are my friend. 

What these people do not realize is that I do not NEED them to be my friend. They really do feel so important that they think I need them as friends. But c’mon, their name would only be added to a list of many more and just like every other person, I don’t care. Ya, it burns at first but I will get over it. 

There are a lot of people who don’t like me. Some people hate me for reasons that are beyond my control. People decided they wouldn’t get to know me and let others dictate the way they feel about me… To be honest, there are less than 10 people on that campus that has a legitimate reason not to like me. And even with the fact I know that, I am perfectly fine with it because I don’t have to chase someone to be their friend. 

I’m ready to leave this place for good and go to a campus with people I don’t know in a place I don’t know. I need that new environment because I am so done with these people. 

Lately everyone at school has had one word in common on their minds: prom. 

For the longest time I have wanted to go with on specific person, my best friend, Neil. I’d like to say I’ve imagined myself going to Senior Prom with him since we were freshmen. But he problem is: he has other things going on & I can clearly see that he doesn’t want to go with me. Actually he says that he doesn’t even want to go to prom. So I have been hit with a dilemma, go to prom with someone other than my best friend or skip the night all together & hang out with my best friend. 

As silly as it sounds, I really don’t want to go without him. Prom is all about that last night with everyone you just spent 4 years with to just let loose and have fun. I definitely would not have survived these 4 years without him. If I am going to let loose and have that last night of fun before things get serious, I want it to be with that one person who made high school worth it whether we’re in formal attire or jeans + a t-shirt. 

Of course my friends will probably tell me to just ask someone else. But I almost don’t want to. There is only one other person I would want to go to prom with and well I have no guts to ask him. I just want to play it safe and spend time with my best friend. 

Maybe I am just weird but I really don’t care where I spend my prom night, as long as my last night before things get serious is spent with the one classmate that means the most.